Learning that I choose
Generating enthusiasm has been missing and diminished over time in the past.
As I recreate, and am being recreated, each growth moment is a surprise. As my efforts seemed to diminish I realized that effort is not the answer. Effort can be a great hindrance if misunderstood.
It can be an energy blockage. I must be very fluid and willing to
keep in motion.
MOTION is the key. Being an observer rarely turns into action.
This is a big jigsaw puzzle. It is starting to be pieced together and it is a surprise.
Higher than thinking is LOOKING. It seems to be a spiritual perception.
This past week I actually acted in a way that I was not proud of. There is a greater learning. I said something to a loved one that was loud pointed and forceful, not at all normal or in good choice of language. Something odd is lingering. I feel it was honest, necessary and I was up against some invalidation criticism, someone spoke to me in a calculating unhealthy towards me. My response was brutal, honest and not so pretty. It felt honest and necessary. I will see how this plays out. I have second thoughts but cannot find another route to an alternate solution. Really I put up with too much questionable conversations in the past.
The only thing that I regret is that I was not revered and respected to not be attacked in such a way. It is what it is and I am ok.
The learning is that Life is what it is. I wish this event did not happen, but it did, its done and I can live with the future I have helped create.
Yes I am dancing around the incident. But that is all that I have to share. It is enough for now.
Life can be a challenge and although there is a regret, I too am human.